When they talk about flattening the curve, obviously they are not talking about an expanding waistline. Nevertheless, I have taken it to heart. A sign, as it were.

I am working toward leveling out my body measurements … sort of flatlining my dimensions. I figure if I eat enough, my curves will be flattened, and there will no longer be any definition between my bust, my waist and my hips. So when you next see me, I will be nice and even all over. Not a stick figure, obviously, but free of anything resembling a curve. What could go wrong?

This is obviously the ideal time to undertake this project, as I am socially distancing at home with easy access to the fridge, and no one to regulate my ice cream consumption. Every day provides a constant barrage of news to stimulate binge eating habits, and there really is nothing like a diet of carbs and sugar to comfort the stressed. All in all a perfect opportunity to work on the problem.

So, I am going on record with my commitment to flattening my curves. Of course I always face the danger of the curves turning into a continuous jelly like blob, but I am willing to take the risk in the name of science. And, here is the really good news … no one will see me for another month anyway. And, even if they do, they won’t recognize me because my hair is no longer anything like my real hair, and my face will be under a mask. So good news all around! 

Bon Appetit!


  1. As another friend said…
    Happy Sunday everyone!
    Just be careful out there because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Not me though!!!!
    I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster, while drinking coffee, and we all agreed that things are getting bad.
    I didn’t mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
    In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic… told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
    The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ……..yes, you guessed it …..pull myself together
    Have a great day everyone in your lonely solitude!!!

    1. Thank you, it never occurred to me that my front door might feel unhinged, but now that the image is there … well, I will go easy on it.

  2. So funny, Connie, and thank you very much for giving the rest of us permission to flatten our curves as well. Or was that gift to your community not what you had in mind? Whatever, I admire your ability to be amusing in the middle of all this horror.

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