SAD NEWS

Disturbing news today from the department of fact and fiction. Lord Thistledown, spokesman for the Royal House of Whinger, announced that an arrest has been made in a sad case involving the destruction of the royal bleeding-hearts.

Authorities have long sought those responsible for the continued desecration of the Kewpie Garden’s beautiful Lamprocapnos. Considered by many to be a symbol of true love, the graceful bleeding-heart plants are a favorite of visitors to the Royal Gardens. The Queen of Hearts herself, as recently as last week expressed distress over the ugly destruction of her perennial favorite, and was heard to say that hopefully the culprit would be found and brought to justice before St Valentine’s Day when true love is universally celebrated.

However, in a shocking development, Cupid the popular God of Love, was captured in fragrant delectability ravaging the royal blossoms. On a recently posted Instagram reel, a clear image of Cupid can be seen in a bed of Bleeding Hearts with his quiver of arrows shafting the low hanging hearts. Apparently, the twang of bow strings drew the attention of Mr. Lewis Fitz-Carroll, the notorious paparazzo, who caught the evil-doer on camera. Some of you may recall that Lewis is credited with the famous picture of Her Majesty serving tea and tarts to a cast of unsavory characters during her off hours. The unforgettable picture is considered a triumph of schmeer journalism. However, many believe the whole thing was a conspiracy of Ravens with photoshopping expertise. In any case, Their Royal Majesties were not pleased, and the Queen of Hearts banished Mr. Fitz-Carroll to the nether regions of the palace grounds, where after a trip to the port-a-toilette behind the Kewpie Doll Glasshouse, Lewis stumbled upon Cupid doing the dirty in the leaf mold.

Upon his arrest, Cupid aka Eros, was heard to say, “A Bleeding Heart is a curse on True Love, and I have a responsibility to those that believe in love to eradicate the nasty things. The job of keeping true love alive requires constant vigilance and hard choices. I curse the weedy, invasive, and rampant, bleeding-heart … it needs but a tiny toe-hold to spread everywhere destroying true love in its path. I have no choice but to stop it where it starts. Love conquers all, after all.”

Considered a flight risk, the culprit was held without bail. Crowds gathered as news spread of his arrest. Many petitions were made for his release, and candlelight vigils sprang up throughout the country. The land of Whingers was up in arms over the imprisonment of their favorite god. The Royal House of Whinger expressed regret that circumstances required Cupid’s incarceration, but Lord Thistledown reiterated The Queen’s stance … “Any and all who perpetrate a wanton attack of destruction on the royal palace grounds, must be brought to justice.”

The diminutive god was scantily clad in a whisp of dandelion fluff for his arraignment. He was pale and obviously shaken by the turn of events. The courtroom was packed with supporters wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Unfortunately, the outcome was never in question. It was obvious the judge felt regret in passing a sentence of guilty. “The court recognizes the truth of the plaintiff’s plea that he was only doing the job he was born to do. And in fact, we agree with his concern concerning the bleeding heart’s maleficence in relation to true love. However, this is a court of royal decree, and as such I am left with no choice but to remand the prisoner into the keeping of the royal executioner, who shall fulfill the royal decree of her Majesty the Queen of Hearts … Off with his head!”

Now, some might suppose the bleeding-heart has come to symbolize the triumph of law over love. Certainly, there are those who feel Cupid aka Eros has been dead many years, but I would like to posit that the Queen of Hearts … who likes a tart … granted Mr. Cupid a pardon and put him to work in the royal kitchens where he has taken to turning food into love. That sounds about right.

Happy Valentine’s Day